I know the title itself will raise a lot of eyebrows and people would have a lot to contradict me and a lot to support me as well. But I felt the pinning urge to write about it as whenever I raise this topic, people usually feel I am saying all this without thinking. And also they think that the reason why I am so vocal about this is that I have kids of age lesser than 5 years. So long way to go...
Frankly, as a kid, teenager and an adult, I never thought so much about marriage. It was part of the organic growth all kids have in our country. Eventually, you will finish your studies, and eventually you will marry and settle down. Yes, I still fail to understand what “SETTLING DOWN” is is all about. But yes, being brought up by happily married parents, there was no reason why I would think of marriage otherwise. And I am quite sure; my kids would also say the same about us. Then, why am I not so keen on getting my kids married? And why am I thinking about it at the age of 5 yrs?
There is a very strong reason for it. And the time is also the most apt to think about it. I will tell you why?
As soon as a kid is born, in India, we start planning for him/her. We start thinking about his safety, his comforts, and his needs. How are we going to financially support his upbringing. We go to an extent of having a marital insurance, education insurance for him. I am not against insurance, but my point is, we start excessive planning for the kids.
If it’s a girl, we buy all pink things for her. Pink dresses, pink toys, pink walls, pink clips and what not. If it’s a boy, we paint the town blue! So consciously or sub-consciously we make this divide of a girl and a boy. Why do we see 1000s of cars in a boy's toy room whereas a 1000 dolls in a girl's toy room? Don’t we have girls driving cars all over? OR for that matter guys seeking fashion and clothing as careers? We do. But we confuse our children by dividing their likes and dislikes as per their gender.
What do we do to our kids? We pass our wishes, our failures, our dreams to them. 9/10 people who are "happily married" say that they are happily married because they have ADJUSTED to each other. Why is it so important to put our kids through all this? If it’s about security, there is no security in marriage. If it’s about love, there is more love before marriage than after. The social balance will go for a toss? What social balance are we talking about? Where most people have EMAs and divorces at the drop of a hat? If it’s about kids/family, what do you want kids for? For making your own compromised clones? And it’s not very uncommon to have single parents these days.
I feel, we should let them fly. Let them tap their potential. Let them decide what they want to be. Success or failure, they will be happy that they are what they are because they chose it for themselves. If earning money and pretending to be a happy is life, then animals have a better life than us. God has given us brains and talent to create genius and evolve with every generation. We have Einstein’s and Tendulkar’s all over, but we do not have an eye for it. If we free our kids from the pressure of their future, I am sure they can come out with flying colors. Education, marriage, job, family is a part of your life, not the life itself. Every day they can have an all exciting life if they choose what they want to do in life. And also if they choose who they want to be in their life. Does being a radio jockey excite them? Or they want to live a life of a traveler, wandering at different places. Or they just want to be a family person. Let’s just leave it on them and their destiny. It is another way of teaching them to live in present.