Sunday, February 23, 2014

Most Eligible GROOM - Condition Serious Hai

Marriage in itself is a very funny institution and on top of this the grooms which we come across in the matrimonial websites and newspapers and more so the LIVE samples, are hilarious. Though we all know the Indian matrimony scene ki CONDITION SERIOUS HAI, we still are very serious about our favourite mistake of life.
Every girl dreams of a prospective groom who has looks of John Abraham, bank balance of Siddarth Mallya, brainy as Anand Vishwanathan and passionate as much as Shah Rukh. But the reality is far from the fantasy world.
This blog is about the super confident prospective GROOM who has the following golden characteristics:
  • ·         Waistline of 48”
  • ·         Bald
  • ·         365 * 24 * 7 Flirt
  • ·         Spendthrift
  • ·         Of the Opinion that he is God’s Gift to Mankind
Before you wonder whether such an undesirable GROOM really exists, let me tell you – it does and it is Yours Truly “ME”. The good news is that God does not repeat mistakes and hence you are unlikely to come across a replica.
When people refer to my integral 48”, my response is that while Salman Khan has a 6 pack, I have a 24 pack. Vidya Balan became an inspiration to turn from size zero to voluptuous for the Silk Smitha act. I can surely enjoy my 5 star with a lot more liberty and live life king size. So am I not a little more desirable?
Commenting on my bald look, at least my partner can rest assured that I will save money on the oil, shampoo and the comb in these times of inflation. Not to add, the indefinite time in front of the mirror which I can utilize to admire her? So am I not a little more desirable?
365*24*7 Flirt
My personal philosophy is that there are only 2 types of girls – Good and Very good. I also read and fully believe - Women are like oceans; the deeper you go, the deeper they are. I am just discovering the fairer sex which will help me to understand my partner better. It is not without reason that it has been statistically proven that flirty hubbies are a lot more loving and sincere and they also add more spice and zest to married life. So am I not a little more desirable?
The golden rule of accounting is debit what comes in, credit what goes out. In a nutshell, the bottomline is that you need to earn to be able to spend and this quality will make me want to work harder and earn more. I will also appreciate the bride’s shopping habits out of empathy which will keep the bride happier. So am I not a little more desirable?
God’s gift to mankind
Well isn’t every child a god’s gift to his or her parents? My parents named me “Ashish” which means blessing in English. So my pick up line is “Do you know the 11th commandment?” The response was “Thou shall not live without ‘Ashish’.” Sounds nice, doesn’t it? So what’s wrong if I think a little highly of myself? The name, the humour justifies it. So am I not a little more desirable?
So when I have attended the status of being desirable in spite of the odds, I would like to propose this most Eligible Bachelor to you. Let me know if we can we enjoy the Cadbury 5 star together to share this SERIOUS CONDITION of life?
This blog is written with the intention of participating in the contest ConditionSeriousHai at

Thursday, February 20, 2014


Paida hue nahi ki khandan ka naam raushan karne ka tension,
School gaye to padhai mein aawal aane ka tension,
Race shuru hote hi, mera beta to allrounder hai ka tension,
School khatam hote hi engineer aur doctor banane ka tension,
Viva, practicals and exams mein pass hone ka tension,
Girlfriend hone ka aur na hone ka bhi tension.
Long distance relationship ya break up kare yeh bhi ek tension.
Engineer baan to gaye aab job milne ka tension,
Job mein boss and boss ke boss ka tension.
Salary badhati nahi, promotion hota nahi, upar se shadi ka tension.
Ek 3 BHK flat aur car lene ka tension.
Shadi ke liye ladki milne ka, aur uspar arrange marriage ka tension.
Shadi ke liye long leave ka aur foreign location mein honeymoon ka tension
Shadi hote hi biwi aur maa ke beech mein peesne ka tension
Ek saal hote hi baacha karne ka tension
Aur baacha hote hi uske kharche ka tension
Haar koi yeha zindagi ki tension ka mareez aur sabki yeha
This blog is written with the intention of participating in the contest #ConditionSeriousHai

The great Indian Circus

Being from the second largest populated country on earth, chances are that you have come across most of the personality stereotypes if not all; Some enthusiastic, some lunatic, some intellectual, some sober, some boring, some touchy-feely, some sick; We can go on and on till our vocabulary supports us!!
While you zip across the length and breadth of India, you could experience the highs and lows of being treated as an alien, as an immigrant or even a local depending on your own inclination and your adaptability. The food, festivals, fashion, dance forms, traditions, diction, pronunciations, even the mindset of people changes from one zone to another. It is no wonder then that we often get referred to as “MANGO people in a BANANA REPUBLIC”.
So I would like to bring out the ‘fun in the pun’ of our diversities.
Statutory warning: The pun is only intended for FUN, it does not intend to hurt the feelings of any caste or community or region. Its written for the contest CONDITIONSERIOUSHAI but this blog is !(CONDITIONSERIOUS) in technology terms. In short, it brings the humor out of our diversity and demonstrates that “ANEKTA MEIN EKTA” in true sense.
So as a Marwari from Rajasthan, having spent my early years in Calcutta and having worked in Delhi, Mumbai, Chennai and Bangalore, I will take you on a roller coaster ride of my experiences with the myriad of colors that India possesses.

SOUTH – the Intelligentsia
You go to South and they find you too brazen, too loud, too candid and too close for comfort in the first instance.  They hate the shor-sharaba, the glitz and over the top antics in our festivals. The Karwa Chauth is more of a fashion show of new jewelry designs and there is nothing/little religious about it. They believe that the ornate arrangements you do in your weddings is a sheer waste of money which could have been better spent on thick gold chains or buying a piece of land.
The street smartness, the go getter and JUGADU nature (resourcefulness) you show is too blatant to their liking. The north indian girls could do with a little more “sanskaar”, usage of the 6 yards of silk and  and politeness to be a real BHARATIYA NARI. The fluidity of the the girls using the slang and the men remembering the mothers and sisters so unhesitatingly, shocks them to the core.
It is their belief  that their IQ is superior(IIM & IIT admissions prove this!!) thanks to their imbibing the knowledge and culture during their formative years rather than focusing on JUGAAR and glamour which is home to north India. They take pride in the scientists they have produced, the poets, the theater, the politicians and their actors who are the real idols. Where else can you find the Rajnikanth frenzy, the Rajkumar fever and the NTR phenomenon. They are proud of their classical dances, the rhythm and grace which can never be compared with the pelvic thrust and hanging hands in the air supposed to be symbols of hysteria.

NORTH – India ka DIL
You go to North and they find you too slow and boring. They are sure; you have never had any fun in life whether it is wild, adventurous or kinky. The concept of “Good boys go to heaven, Bad boys go everywhere” couldn't be further from the truth.
They sleep while you hear the classical singers with great interest. And their only reason for attending classical dance concert might be to position themselves as connoisseurs of art. The "HAITCH" for "AITCH", "ESS" for "Yes", is a topic of great humor for them. After all, what is the harm in stressing on the alphabets while you clarify the word? Americans eat their alphabets and we stress on the alphabets, tell me who is better? 
You can never enjoy your rice with your bare hands in front of them. The moment you mix the rice and sambhar and start making the divine RICE LADOOS with your palms and bring the tongue out, they would look at you as someone from another planet. Who will enlighten them on the bliss of eating with hands?
More often than not, our north Indian friends consider  everybody from Southern India to be a Madrasi wearing lungi, eating idlis and the patent white tika on their foreheads.. I wonder how many of us that Southern India comprises Malyalis, Tamilians, Telegus and so many other castes and creeds like iyers and iyengars with rich traditions and even richer wallets? It is like calling Punjabi and Marwari the same!!
They are masters in getting work done via others and also get the credit. They are the masters of networking, working smarter instead of harder.Whether you hate them or love them, they cannot be ignored and are the life of any party.
You can enjoy the amazing roadside local and seasonal food in any season. In 2 degree Celsius in winters you can get amazing hot kullhar ki chai whereas in 45 degree Celsius in summers you can get chilled matka kulfi. Well but the magic is whether its 2 degrees or 45 degrees, females there never feel the cold or heat of seasons. Ask how? They never fall short of displaying their heavy lehenga and jewelry in weddings.

EAST – The cultural capital
You go to East. They will always treat you as a welcome tourist which will never make you feel uncomfortable. But then yes, you always feel like tourist there and not one among them. They are the most laid back, literary intellectual and fun loving people.
They are the most forgotten identities of India. When you see a small eyed, fair skinned person, what is your first reaction? Probably that you need to speak in English with him or her. It is hilarious when you try to explain something in English and he say "Haan Shaaab,,samajh gaya!". how many of us know that almost the entire staff working in Chinese restaurants in India hails from our north eastern part of the country which is probably the prettiest, virgin and unexplored part of the country. They are our eastern brothers and as much DESI as all of us.
Coming to West Bengal, you might start feeling overwhelmed with the crowd and the difference in the strata between the rich and poor. They are very proud of their Rabindra Sangeet and the rich heritage. For them if you don’t recognize "AKELA CHOLO Re" or should we say “korbo lorbo jeetbo re” then you are an illiterate. They can go anywhere on earth, but they would never miss Durga pooja and Saraswati pooja celebrations.
The BABU MOSHAI will always speak eloquently in the most refined and dignified English accent and be a subject matter expert on every imaginable topic under the sun. They love to speak in their native language and if you master that, you win their hearts. They will always flock around their own people and why not, they have so much to share with each other. How many of us have music in our blood and literature in our head from birth?  
And you will never find a better husband than a Bengali. With no pun intended, they worship their wives like they worship their goddesses. You talk about football and they would be more than willing to share all their knowledge with you. They are very serious about their hobbies be it music, playing instrument, politics, football or literature. On a lighter note, a Bengali lives and dies for  the four F’s in their life – Fish, Food, F*** and Football.
WEST – The city of dreams
Last but not the least, you go to West. Being the financial capital of the country, you would be there at some point or the other in your life and if not for material pleasures, it would simply be worth the visit for the superstars on celluloid. It is in many ways similar to New York wherein people from different backgrounds and cultures have assimilated and become localites thanks to the cosmopolitan nature of the city. They have found a new WESTERN Indian way of living - right from their fashion sense to food to arts to music.
You won’t feel alien there at all, as it has something for everyone. Right from North Indian, South Indian, East Indian food to Lebanese, Chinese, and Italian, anything you wish for, you will find it. It’s funny how you quickly adapt to the slang "Ayela" "Khayenga" "Piyenga" "Bheedu" over there. From Vada Pav to Pav Bhaji, once you have had the roadside food, you will always miss it. Everybody is running there, running behind trains, behind jobs, behind dreams and if not anything else, behind girls. Hats off to the spirit of the people there that the city never stops! Be it rains or bomb blasts, people there never stop. They just rebound in no time and get ready for the next challenge.
Everybody from a dabba wala to driver lives on their own terms and frankly their terms are no less than an emperor’s. You disrespect a bus conductor and the whole fraternity brings the city to a halt. The political undercurrents are highly visible in the city’s anatomy. Whether it’s about celebrating the love day or a controversial movie release, everything is the concern of people (read political people). Majority of the people as I said are migrants, but after 3-4 decades of development in part because of them, these migrants become miscreants suddenly.
Whether it is the Movie industry, fashion industry, banking industry, this is the karma bhumi. Its just mind boggling to see how thousands of people flock around the house of Mr Amitabh Bacchan every Sunday just to get a glance of the legend. 
The steep difference between the skyscrapers and the unending slums of Dharavi would compel you to believe in the saying “BAAP BADA NA BHAIYA, SABSE BADA RUPAIYA!!”. 

Now back to being an Indian..
The humor I have brought out in the diversities in India is just 1 % of the actual fun. The more you explore, the more fun you can have. So whether you are in a state of #CONDITIONSERIOUSHAI in North, South, East or West, you can enjoy the 5 star and take it SERIOUSLY( PUN INTENDED) now!!

This blog is written with the intention of participating in the contest #ConditionSeriousHai at

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Knowledge is Great and there is no age to learn something new

90 % of my generation is living with the greatest irony of life. We have an aptitude of X and we are doing y. We love to do A and we are slogging with B. We would have done miracles if we were P but we are miraculously doing Q. 
How many of you have ever repented about your career choices? How many of you feel like quitting your job everyday? How many of you want to start their own business? How many of you dream of slapping a resignation at your boss's face often? And how many of you feel like you are living a donkey's life with the same monotonus routine everyday? I think we all know our answers. And for something or the other we are all stuck up with our jobs and choices in life. So when I was asked what would I like to study/specialize, where and why, I shortlisted a few things I would want to do with myself and out of the few I will write about one I would really love to do someday.
Lets start with a little bit of drama to this career choice...
"Ek chutki sindoor,,Ek chutki sindoor ki kimat tum kya jano Sunil babu!!" and the whole audience is all emotional and gullible. Especially the ladies clad in shiffon sarees and heavy jhumkas looking straight from the Karan johar movies are all sobby about it.  
The other category, the Dabang types are all larger than life, dance and drama movies.Or some with the same hero and villan classified in good looking and evil looking men. Very few like LIFE IN A METRO, Page 3, Lunch Box qualify to the REAL WORLD CINEMA in India. 
So by now, you might have guessed that I am talking about studing film making. Learning to write, direct, produce, act, edit, execute, choreograph, cinematograph and every graph of cinema. At the end of it, I want to be capable of telling my story to the larger audience. To be on/behind the 90 mm screen expressing myself in a way I want to through the medium of cinema. 
So after the What question is answered, let me take you to WHY film making? 
I have not even a slight connection to film making and I guess not in my dreams would I have ever thought of film making as a career if it was not for the hunger in me to see good cinema. Indian culture, Indian movies, India television and all the modes of expression in India, always displays hero's to be so idealistic, courageous, larger than life and in the realms of society and the not so idealistic ones as the evil, bad guys who at the end dont survive. Do we really have such disctinction between ourselves in real life? Dont we all have a good and bad guy in us? Why is the girl smoking and drinking showed as a prostitute or a spoilt gurl? Are the extra marital affairs reality of today? Can we have one asthetically done romantic scene which we can be proud off? Are the working mothers not part of our society yet? Where are the children movies gone? Did we have even one "Baby's day out" or a "Harry Potter" in India? The special effects and animation which is developed in India is purchased by Indians from the foreign distributors. Why are we still not ready for bold cinema? Infact what amazes me is the difference between theater and Indian cinema. We have such brilliant genere in theater. But cinema, it still in a very premature form. I have that hunger to know the technicalities of it and contribute towards it and hence, film making.
I am told by few that I am a good story teller, I can weave real life stories and connect to people with my stories. So learning cinema would be a baby step towards learning to narrate my story better. I believe that passion for something is only useful when you channelize it to a proper purpose. And to channelize it, I need to know it. Knowledge is indeed great. Only passion, or only aptitude will not make you the best. You need to learn the tricks of the trade. We have a very famous saying " You need to dirty your hands in the code". It means to create magic, you need to know the nitty gritty of things. If I dont know with what emotions the writer wrote and I am directing it, it will turn out to be another CHINESE WHISPER where the soul is lost. Similarly, if I am great at technical editing but I dont know what is the essence of the scenes, I can never be great at my work. So film making involves learning all the sub fields of movies. Its like learning physics without knowing mathematics for an engineering student. 

Now coming to where I want to study FILM MAKING?
Given a chance I would choose to do a Film Making in LFA. It would be a 1 year full time diploma in Film Making.London Film Academy has one of the best team of faculty. Veterans from the film industry like DAISY GILI, ANNA MACDONALD are few to name it. They partner with the biggest names in the industry like Cannes, London Film festival, Kodak etc. Their courses range for few days to months to years and the cirriculum devised would make sure you know the trick of the trade well. Its said that you learn best when you are on the job, and to make learning on job a reality, they put you with best in industry talent to learn and absorb. They have a very impressive track record and references to their kitty.
After a lot of head hunting for good film schools and courses, I had shortlisted LFA for the soul reason that you are not there for the degree they offer. Ironically, the degree from LFA is enough to earn the mulla everybody aspires of. But they not only offer you the degree, they also impart the necessary skills in each of their students. As some aluminus have pointed out, "There are no shortcuts in the LFA". 
So when at this stage of life, I am given a chance to learn and learn in the place I wish. It would be definitely LFA. 

This post is written with the intention to participate in the Knowledge is Great contest on 

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Khamoshi hamesha aasan nahi hoti...

Meri Khamoshi ko meri kamjori maat samajhana, 
Khamoshi hamesha aasan nahi hoti!
Jo shor duniya sun na paye, 
Uss shor ki haqeeqat kabhi kaam nahi hoti!

Jab do taqdeere judi ho saath, 
Haar ek taqdeer ko aapna maakam nahi milta!
Haar jasbaad saache hote hai dil ke, 
Lekin waqt se baada koi intehaan nahi hota!

Khudgarz khushi Afeem si hoti hai, 
Uski  hamein aadat si ho jati hai!
Lekin nasha kitna bhi suhana ho, 
Ek din haqeeqat se samana to hota hi hai!

Us Lamhe mein saab baarbaad ho jata hai, 
Saachai ka aeene mein naasha chur chur ho jata hai!!
Bina shor kiye zindagi tukado mein bikar jati hai,
Aur bikhare tukado ko sawarne mein puri zindagi nikal jati hai!!

Isliye meri Khamoshi ko meri kamjori maat samajhana, 
Khamoshi hamesha aasan nahi hoti!

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Khushi's dose of the day!! Think out of box

Khushi(4.5 yrs) is very imaginative and creative child. So to enhance her creativity, I have given her a drawing book in which she has to draw one picture everyday with a particular theme in mind.
Yesterday, she drew an underwater theme with starfish, school of fishes, crabs, sea weeds, stones, octopus etc. One thing particularly caught my attention. She drew sun in one of the right top corner. I smiled at her stupidity and tried to correct her...

Mummy : Khushi, you are drawing underwater scene right?
Khushi : Yes Mom!
Mummy : Then what is the sun doing in underwater drawing? You draw sun when you draw mountains, river, houses, basically a village scenery.
Khushi : Mom you can draw sun in underwater drawing as well!!
Mummy : No you cant!! You dont draw a sun in underwater cant see the sun in water
Khushi : Mummy, the sun shines from top when you are underwater. And so you can see it underwater also

I had never tried to think out of box in a way she does. I could have never imagined a sun in an underwater drawing. I guess, I have so much more to learn from my little angel. Today's lesson is - THINK OUT OF BOX!!