High on life

Call it mid-life crisis or nirvana. I have suddenly realized I have not done so many things (good and bad) yet in my life. I am 33 years and yet the list is so long. When am I going to tick all the items in the list? What if I don’t? How am I going to justify God about my worthiness of another reincarnation if I cannot prove it in this? So ready for another adventure, I decided to try out BHANG on this holi.

All my holi celebrations have been crazy fun till now. Music- water-colors all make me very high on life and I don’t remember anything close to the kind of fun I have on Holi. So to go a notch higher, we opted for the real thing on HOLI. When I had it with Thandai, I wasn’t sure what to expect? I was informed it hits in 1 or 2 hours. So I waited. Played for some time with the kids and hubby and then continued dancing with my friends. I kept dancing for 2 hours without feeling a single bone paining. I was quite impressed with myself and thought my 1 year of hard work paid off. My workouts are making me a strong person indeed. But little did I know that in sometime not only would my physical pain but also all my worldly pains are going to vanish.

The people near me suddenly started looking very happy to me. I couldn't complete my dance steps but I was subconsciously dancing on each beat. I started losing touch with the present. I can see everything moving very slow. It was like a slow motion movie is playing around me. I can actually hear people talk in animated slow gestures. It was very funny. I spoke to few friends and the very next moment I thought I might have imagined speaking to them. I could hear me talking to myself. "Dipti..what's happening? What is going on? Are you drunk? Or you are generally happy ?"

I didn’t want the music to be over. I didn't want to stop dancing. And on the contrary I felt as if I am dancing from ages. Time refused to pass. Everything in front of me seemed to be in a telescopic view. Every time I became aware of my present, I am still dancing to the same song. I felt very happy. Nothing was in my mind. I was in the present. I was with myself. I loved being aware of my existence. My hand, feet moving very subconsciously to the music and my mind acting as an audience to this. I was watching them as if they didn’t belong to me. When the music stopped. I thought there is vacuum around me.

I couldn’t think of the next correct thing to do. I knew I am safe with my friends around me and in my own society. But there was no fear anyways. I just followed my friends as they dropped me home. It was like one drunkard supporting the other. :P.

My kids watched their cartoons in the living room. I gave them a warm smile and ran inside my room before they figured out, mom has lost all her senses. It took me 10 minutes to bathe, but it felt like I am never going to finish it. My hand coordination had gone bonkers. I was hungry and crazy at the same time. I gathered courage and ate some food.

I was done with my eventful afternoon, but I didn’t want to sleep. I wanted to enjoy the feeling a little more. I wanted to enjoy that zombie state as long as I could. I was very tempted to go around and act a little more crazy for a little more time. But soon the responsible, dutiful mother/wife/woman took over me and I slipped myself to sleep.

After I got up, the dreamworld had disappeared. The loud voice of TV, started hurting my ears again. The petty things my kids didn’t obey was again the purpose of my life. I was worried about the holi color on my face. Monday blues started setting in even before the day was over.

Koi mujhe bataye yeh duniya hai to duniya kyun hai?

Yeh aisi hai to aisi kyun hai?