Monday, August 25, 2014

The Art of Detachment

I have been brought up by two extremely opposite personalities in terms of emotions. My Dad and my Mom.
I have never seen my Dad upset over anything in my 22 years of stay with him. No skipping meals, never late to work, never sleepless at night, never crying or sobbing about anything in life. I always thought, its because they have a perfect and simple life.  No worries, no major pains.
Now I understand, what it means to be him. He is basically  a detached person. Detached is usually used in a very negative sense, as someone who doesn't care. But I have a completely different perspective to it. Detached is the one, who can SWITCH ON and OFF from the situations. The one who can differentiate between the problem and the worries. He might had a lot of issues in his life, but he knew he has to deal with it without getting worried about it. He knew people and situations will never be same. He adapted to changes much better and could overcome his emotions with ease.
A loved ones demise, parting of his son/daughter, financial crisis, accidents, ailments or any other situations in which a normal human breaks and wrecks, were all part of his life too. But the way, he attached to the situations and detached from the worries was completely commendable.
I often thought, "Papa ko to koi attachment hi nahi hai" when I was probably not so mature or not so experienced in life. But now I realise, what a blessing it is to know the ART OF DETACHMENT.
And at the other extreme end, is my MOM. There is nothing on earth, that she is not worried about. A distant relatives grand son is scoring less in his CET, she is sad. In his friend circle somebody is fighting, she is worried. Forget about, my kids falling sick or me sounding sad on the phone. Then there would be days of NO FOOD, NO TALKING TO ANYONE or Worst case, next flight to Bangalore. I have stopped telling her my everyday petty issues like most mom- daughters share after marriage for this very reason. I will royally forget about the concern in a day or two. And by then she must have already spoken to 10 people for some solutions. Or went to the extreme corners to get the exact solution. Or if not anything else,wasted few nights of sleep thinking about my nonconsequential matter.
She is the one, who has concerns for everyone she knows. And mind you, genuine concern for each one of them. She can be the 4 am friend to anyone. Whatever she can do, she will do and if not anything else, she can cry with you for sure.
I sometimes wonder, how painful it must be to feel the pain of others all the time. In today's world, when you are soo bogged down with your own worries, how is it that she can embrace everyone and touch their life with such ease??
We celebrated 50 years of their togetherness last June. And I feel so wonderful, how God makes such complimentary pairs. But today, what I wish to explore is a little bit about myself. Who am I?? A blissful DETACHED soul or a lovingly ATTACHED soul?
I think, I am a mix of both. Infact, with years I have adapted the qualities of both.
I can switch on and off in a jiffy with my situations. When I am at work, I am an ambitious corporate professional. And when I am at home, I am a totally homely mother of two kiddos. I never mix my work and home. I have taken important presentations and meetings with my MIL totally unwell, coordinating with doctors on calls at the same time.
I have drove with my daughter fainted in the back seat in Bangalores traffic with tears in my eyes but still detached from the situation.
And on the contrary, I have cried watching a small baby in beggars hand crying for food. I have cried remembering that one restaurant or movie or joke which I shared with that close friend I have not met for decades. I am too emotional about the people I am close to. When a friend or loved one is leaving . I may pretend to be the stronger one. No extra emotions, no OHH HOW WOULD I LIVE WITHOUT YOU. But deep within, I think I am in denial with the situation. I always remember the 3 idiots dialogue. Our heart is like a child, you should always keep on repeating "ALL IZZZ WELL" and your heart agrees to it. And I do the same.
I know its crazy. One day, you have to face it. And you burst out. But its better to burst out in a lonely room than to howl infront of 20 odd people. Plus, after a while you know you will be alright.
I think, each one of us finds our ways of venting out our emotions. And there is no right or wrong way of doing things.  So next time you judge a person by his emotion, like I did for my Dad. Think what you know about the shoe he has been in!

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