Penning my Roller Coaster Work Life!

I was just wondering over a cup of coffee yesterday... It has been 7 long years that I have been working. Seven years sounds like a really long time. And when I think of it otherwise, it feels like a fraction of second. Woooossshh,,,, Flashback!

"Dipti, you are very ambitious, but your fate lines indicate, you will not be working! You might work for couple of years maximum, after that you will be a house wife!" this came from a very good friend and a hand and face reader. I still remember how crazily ambitious I was when I was in college. I always knew I want to be independent and work for my own satisfaction. Ambitions are a different thing and coming from a middle class Marwari family and dreaming of being independent is a different.

Today when I look back, I wonder how I have come out of so many hurdles that came my way in continuing with my professional life. It reminds me of the lines “If God creates problems for you, he also gives you their solution along with it"

I remember, after 1 month of my marriage, I started my first ever job hunt. It wasn’t easy to go from office to office just to submit the resume.  Now when I think of it, it was all worth the efforts. First job in IT industry is the toughest part for a fresher and I was lucky to have got it in a very prestigious XE Healthcare in Bangalore. My resume was forwarded by my cousin’s friend and my interview for a trainee post was not that challenging. I cleared it easily and started with my little dream.

I still remember my first day at work. That first auto ride from Old Airport Road to Hoodi Village of 13 km felt unending. And in 2004 when I joined the company, that part of Whitefield, was considered as another planet from Bangalore.

I went through so many security checks that I felt like saying "My name is Dipti, and I am not a terrorist". Those amazingly landscaped gardens, multi cuisine cafeteria serving at least 3 types of cuisines everyday with a lot of facilities like gym (with expert trainer), steam, sauna, TV room, sick room, free doctor visits, awesome coffee and loads of varieties of biscuits makes XE one of the best places to work. Not only that they have grand celebrations on Family day, children's day, Diwali. Every now and then you have a discounted stall for electronics manufactured by XE. So in office campus terms, I couldn’t have asked anything better!

Though I never liked the culture there. Reaching office sharp at 8.30 am was still ok, but leaving office after 8.30 pm was something I couldn’t fathom. If I don’t have work, I cannot pretend to sit for extra 3 hours just because my manager is still in office. But XE rewarded those extra 3 hours more than being extra productive for those 8 hours. So I kind of disliked the culture there.

I was doing pretty well with my work there and made some very talented friends there. Our lunch times were fun and I learnt a lot about corporate world from my friends and colleagues. It was a 6 months training period for me. Looking at the progress I made in XE, my manager initiated an interview for making me permanent even before I finished my 6 months.

I had waited for this day for long, I had taken extra efforts to make sure I am well prepared for this day. But something went off terribly wrong, I was not in the best of the state of mind and I literally cried on my first official interview. A confident girl like me, crying in a petty interview was something I have never imagined in my dreams. But that was the first hurdle in my professional life, I was in trauma for next 1 week as I could have digested not clearing an interview, but crying in an interview,,, so not like me!!

It could have been an end to my career as I had no compulsions of continuing the race being from a well to do Marwari family. But my manager gave me another chance, he asked me to continue for next 3 months and then conducting another interview, which doesn’t happen ever in XE. God's grace No.1

I would have easily cleared the next interview and got permanent without any doubts, but this is my life, it cannot be so straight forward. So here comes HURDLE NO. 2.

Ashish was working with an IT company and he had got a 6 months project in US. And I being a Marwari bride, I had to accompany him without any ifs and buts. It was a lot of pressure from my parents and my in-laws to join him asap. It wasn’t easy for me to leave my just started career and accompany him in US on H4. H4 is the worst Human sorry.,. Women right violation on earth. It cuts your wings and chops your legs and puts you into a golden cage for the time you are in US. You can do everything from shopping to schooling, but you cannot work. :)..Sad but true!

So for next 8 months, I was in a golden cage named US. I travelled the east, lived like an American. Enjoyed every bit of nature there. But something wasn’t correct inside. The fun loving girl in me had given up on the career path, but the career loving girl wasn’t ready to give up. Days passed by and I started with a management course in IT at Harvard. I being a hardcore optimist, dreamt of returning to India as a Harvard return and restarting my career.

Hurdle No. 3, I had to return back to India overnight. My father in law was detected with Stage 3 cancer. He had only a month or so, we had tickets for Las Vegas and Grand Canyon, but it wasn’t important. Harvard was also not important!

We returned to India on 11th Oct and 25th Oct, my FIL rested in peace. I had an offer with a prestigious Telecom company dated 5th Nov 2005, which would have been another ray of hope. Guess what? My MIL was detected Stage 2 cancer and I being a good daughter in law was supposed to be at home, taking care. I am brought up in a family where we can sacrifice anything for the family, so I almost accepted that I am going to sacrifice my career now. But Ashish was adamant that I start with my new work. He supported me and that was God's grace No. 2.

Joining new workplace was like starting afresh. We had three months of training, then proper tests after that. The flexible culture in the company helped me taking care of my professional and personal life well.

It wasn’t easy working for 5 days a week and then getting MIL treated on weekends. Chemothearapies, radiation, that hospital atmosphere, the injections, smell of medicines is not only depressing for the patient but equally depressing for the care takers! We cannot compare the pain patients go through while getting treated, but an equal or more pain is felt by the loved ones who are around!

Everyday was new, brought new problems, regarding maids, regarding medication, regarding social pressure, regarding guests coming over to visit my mother in law, regarding high work pressure at times and regarding my own guilt at times! But each day I reminded myself, I have chosen the hard path, now I cannot step back on it. I have to do it, problems are temporary, and things will change!!

There was a stage when I was cooking at 7 am in the morning as I couldn’t find a cook and maid to look after the chores! I was calling 10 times at home to check my MIL's health and 10 times to the doctor and attending 10 calls from the well wishers about her health. I had to concentrate at my work at the same time I had to be there for any emergencies. Those are the days, you really understand, how important is your support system in life.

When it became unmanageable and I thought I cannot handle anymore multitasking, I called my MOM and like my savior she came to look after my MIL. Not only my MOM, my relatives Asha Masi, Meena Masi, Payal Bhabhi, Aditi Bhabhi, Micky bhaiya, Chiku bhaiya, Didi,Jiyaji everybody stood like a tower of support to me and I passed the HURDLE NO. 4 with flying colors :).

My mother in law expired, we had a tough time settling down with this fact, especially for Ashish it was tough! But then life caught up and we continued.

Suddenly one day, I discovered that I am expecting. First three months were hell of a time with morning sickness, nausea, etc. Fortunately my office, was just 4 km from home, so it was manageable. Then we got the biggest gift of God in our life! Our daughter, our angel, love of our life KHUSHI!

While I was on maternity leave, not even once the thought of returning back to office bothered me. I was so much into my little bundle of joy, that every moment seemed special. The world was unimportant to me, forget office work! I clicked 10,000 pictures of my baby in every possible way in just 4 months. Sleep deprivation was a joy when at 4 am my little baby smiled at me. It was a joy close to none! Khushi had become my sole thought for those 4 months. But at the end of the 4th month, we had to decide! And just when I thought I would resign and be with my new found love, Ashish told me that I should try if I can manage both Khushi and work at the same time.

I wasn’t too sure if I wanted to get back to work, leaving my itsy bitsy baby doll home. But then I had to give it a try as I had given my work my 4 years, I have fought all odds to be where I am! So I returned back to work.

Morning 8-10 am, I massaged, bathed, fed and played with Khushi, 10-6 pm worked in office and again from 7-9 pm played with her. From the 10-6 pm I was in office, Khushi slept, ate her food and went to park. And since I was guilty of leaving her home and going for work, I spent more quality time with her. The 5 hours I spent with her were completely for her.

I giggled with her, I was more patient with her, I read stories to her, I bubble bathed her, I taught her colors, I taught her rhymes, I dressed her up in different attires and clicked her, we had a fabulous 5 hours everyday with each other. At 1.5 yrs age, Khushi was able to solve 4 pieces jigsaw puzzle, which can be enough proof of her intellectual growth for me.

That was the time I realized, kids would be happy with us, if we are happy with ourselves. If I left my work, my independence I would have always thought I have scarified my career for someone else, and hence would have always been in the "KAASH..." mode and unhappy with myself. But today when I am happy with myself, I can radiate that happiness to my family. I don’t shout at Ashish when he comes home late, I don’t scream when Khushi gets demanding, all because I am happy!! I get the ME time for myself and at the same time can look after the family better! So I am proud that I went back to work and in spite of the emotional trauma of leaving a small kid home I was able to get ahead in life.

Of course, having a support system at home is very important. If I did not have a reliable live in staff at home, I would have never been able to leave my little doll in a crèche or with a new novice maid. Without a support system, leaving a small kid at home/ creche alone is a crime. You have no right to have a kid, if you cannot give the best to him/her. Today if I am able to manage work well even after having little kids is only because I am not bothered what if I am 1 hour late from office? Who would make healthy food for my baby? Who will take her out for playing? Who will keep her hygiene in check? We are not SUPER WOMEN, so without a support system, we cannot manage house, kids and work. Accept that each one of us have limitations, if you don’t want to be frustrated in life, keep yourself within your limitations, never cross them.

In my professional life I have always been lucky. Of course, luck doesn’t come without hard work! In my 7 yrs of career I was never on bench, I was always growing and always learning. I was never scared to learn and my social skills made it easier to work as a team. Today I am known for my customer handling skills, customer’s faith in me is tremendous. If there is a problem, Dipti will have the solution! This kind of confidence is overwhelming at times, but then I know it isn’t build without the hard work I put in! There were self doubts, awkward moments, frustrating jobs, crazy schedules, disappointments, huge questions in mind about the need to work, days when Khushi wasn’t well, days when I had to choose work over festival celebrations, but it was all worth it.

And then another phase of life began. I was expecting Avani!

Khushi and work never gave me time to sit back and think of how time has flown and before I could gauge, Avani was in my hands.

This time I took it slow, took a 5 months leave and enjoyed every bit of my time with Khushi! Yes, you heard it right, with Khushi! I arranged play dates for her, I took her to the park, played outdoor games with her for 2 hours. In fact I had become popular with little tots of her age. Khushi's mummy had become an entertainer and a game organizer for those 3 months of holiday.

I read her books, I played constructive toys with her, painted with her, sang with her. Everyday we had one craft activity and sometimes multiple activities to be completed. I had exhausted all the internet resources for these activity sessions! Internet, especially Google is the biggest boon of our times! :)

After 5 months of fabulous time with my little babies, I returned back to work. This time more confident and more optimistic about my career. I had my support system in place before I returned, hired another full time maid to take care of the physical needs of Avani, hired a driver so that I don’t become lazy in going back home for lunch.

It’s almost 5 months now that I have returned from my second maternity leave. I am giving my 200 % percent to work and 400 % to my kids. Our jars are never too full; we just need to change our perspective.

So to sum it all, today your job is not only your financial independence it is your ME time, time when you are not sacrificing for anybody else, time when you can grow in life, more than corporate ladder, you are growing on your personal scale. Hurdles are temporary, and it’s never too late. Breaks are fine, but before taking breaks make sure you have a timeline when the breaks are going to get over!

I know tomorrow when my kids need me and if God forbid my support system is not that strong, I will choose my family over my career. I am open to that, I wouldn’t have any regrets for that. I may not work 9-7, but I sure plan to take out at least 2 hours of ME time in that 24 hours to write, paint, travel, communicate, laugh, recollect my sanity, to retain my individuality and to be happy so that I can radiate HAPPINESS!!

Khushi's journey to school!!!

She is fairly active and inquisitive child. Though I have always tried to spend atleast 4 hours of quality time with her playing, reading and doing something creative everyday, but still I thought going to school would add to her learning process and so after alot of research about play schools in the vicinity we decided to put her to Euro Kids.

As we have been preparing her for the D day from long, she was very excited about the idea of going to school. School where her Arya bhaiya, Advitya bhaiya, Diya Didi, Janavi didi,,,etc etc goes everyday to have fun. And in that fun, the cherry on the cake was the shopping for bag, water bottle, tiffin and other small stuff which are associated with going to school. Next came the arrangement of the driver to drop her to school and pick her up. After alot of interviews, we finalized the last part of it as well. One parent had to accompany the child for first three days, so I wasnt worried about the first three days, as after two years of being with the child u know what can make him happy and sad.

Now came the D day, when all excited our little princess got all dect up for her fun place. Since it was the first day, both Ashish and I went to be with her. Usually taking a day off from office is a big deal for working couples, but when it comes to the little one, there are no second thoughts.

We were informed by the teacher that only one parent can accompany the child, so obvious choice was I. However close the child is to the father, but its the mother's birth right to lead over the father when it comes to the kid. And with that birth right, I went inside.

Looking at all the colourful toy cars and toys in the sand pit, Khushi refused to go inside the classroom. For her the fun place is here, other things we will explore later. I had to convince her that there are more fun things inside so lets explore everything then come back here. Seeing other children crying and howling, Khushi felt like an elderly kid who

wants to console the little babies that school is a fun place, so no need to cry!! And she was saying some of the cranky kids,, "Maat Ro baby,,,maat ro". And sometimes observing what are the other mischevious brats doing? She is overly sensitive and vulnerable when it comes to voilence, so looking at some kids pulling each other, she was complaining about them to me.

First day was not much of an action. Normal 1 hour session with her class teacher "Hema Mam" telling us all the rules and regulations about the school and anxious parents asking her all sorts of funny and weird questions. I had nothing much to ask as Khushi is generally a silent child and also a quick learner. I was sure I will never get complains from her school as for her age she is very well behaved and intellegent. Eating manners, general etiquettes, cleanliness, patience are some of the virtues which I didnt have to really work upon much with her. Touch wood!! But still I was listening to all the queries attentively. And at the end of it, kids were allowed to play as they wish for another 15-20 min, so as

expected Khushi was more than happy in the sand pit.

I would never be able to understand what is so exciting about the sand? I would be excited about the sand which is near the beach as I love beaches, but dry sand? I think i need to go back to my toddler days to actually know whats so exciting about playing with sand!! First thing Khushi will notice in a toy shop is either a book or a bunch of sand toys.

And that was the end of our first day to school. As soon as she came out of the gates she ran towards Ashish and told her the details about her first encounter with Aunty(her mam) and the toys she played with. The rest of the day was more of any Saturday and Sunday (we call it FUNDAY) when its a ritual to do things only keeping Khushi in mind. Going to the bouncing castle, Saphire for toy shopping, swimming in the indoor pool, Doremon time, story time and then Mango icecream as a finishing touch.

For all the expecting parents out there, finish watching the movies you want to see, the restraunts you want to eat out

and also the friends you want to visit before ur bundle of joy arrives as afer he/she is out, your world will revolve round them forever!!

Then second day was also fun as it was the Mom and ME activity day. Meeting other mothers, knowing what they have to say about parenting and schooling and learning ryhmes with them was fun. Surprisingly for me, most of the kids were taught the same rhymes as I had taught Khushi. "Twinkle Twinkle", "Baba Blacksheep"," Rain Rain", "Old McDonald","Humpty Dumpty","Chubby Cheeks", "Crooked man" etc etc,, were all there. And Khushi instantly connected to it and was soo happy and fascinated about the idea of everybody singing along. She also insisted on "Machali jal ki rani hai" and "ringa Ringa Roses" as her rhymers are never completed without them.

We also made an icecream candy cutout, coloured it and stuck it to a wooden stick with her name on it. That icecream candy was treasured by her for quite sometime, infact i wanted to treasure it as her first creativity in school. But as usual she would sleep with it, eat with that in hand, and not leave it even for a second as it was the most priced possesion of her for sometime.

On the Second day to school more kids joined khushi's class, couple of them very soo notorious that the teacher had to

declare play time as nobody could listen to the kids shouting. I was wondering about the poor mother who must be having a tough time with such hyperactive, cranky kid!! Khushi spent the rest of the time in the ball pool and jumping on the fun mats laid in the coridor.

Third day was going to be the last day of me in her school, so I went happily with her. But as soon as we reached there,

we were told, today mothers will be not allowed. They will be called inside the gate only on SOS basis. If the child cries

you need to come and comfort and go back, if she doesnt, you should wait outside. Everybody was anxious, all mothers were not expecting this today. This was the plan for coming Monday(next working day) and suddenly such an announcement led to chaos. I was positive that I would need to stand the whole one hour outside, and that only happened. I was hearing kids cry and mothers being called, but Khushi was happy playing on the sand pit and toy cars. Meanwhile I got chance to discuss with other mothers about the school, their future prospects and their feedback about good schools around. Its always exciting to hear what housewives discuss. Sometimes I feel, can I ever make a good housewife? Their world revolves around hubby, kids, mother in law, maids, movies and food. Well, this is about the typical ones, not the ones I know with great poise and knowledge. Their thoughts and creativity are commendable and they can give a run to any CEO/CFO for their money.

If I am ever required to be at home, I would love to be in the second category, not the first.

Anyways, that day was also over and Khushi was happily coming out of the gates swinging her hands and calling me from the gate. Everybody along with other mothers and her teacher were quite positive that she would be the least troublesome kid in her class. She never cried when she was alone and she never needed attention from anybody there.

Then came Monday, the actual start of her school. When she was going to go alone. Going to explore a completely new world, with complete strangers and nothing in the past was like the one which she was going to just experience. The doll who was never left alone for 10 minutes even at home was going to be all alone with strangers for 1 full hour. And being the first kid she was always explained everything in length if shez not supposed to do something. It was never a NO for her. It was a full story to describe why NO, so who was going to have time to tell her the story behind NO in a school? But because she had a wonderful history for three days, I was keeping my fingers crossed.

But then the inevitable would happen. First day alone to school, didi left her inside the school gates and she started

howling to go out. It might be the affect of other kids crying, but why did the effect never showed up with I was with

her? She knew somebody is outside and she wanted to get back to her comfort zone. She was not ready to be inside.

I could only get in her shoes and think why this drastic change in behaviour? Whats the fear of strangers? I can never get answers to it as i can never think the way a two year old thinks. But we had to be strong, we had to let go of our

protectiveness towards her and be tough to her. It was for her good, but it wasnt easy for us. The rest of the day was

tough for both of us. Seeing or even imagining her crying for one hour was very painful. I remembered something told by Ravi Jiyaji long back when he visted us in Bangalore " Kids are stress busters, bundle of joy but parenting brings with it equal amount of pain, when u see apple of ur eye in pain" and that I experienced second time that day.

Its not easy to raise kids. The constant conflict of loving and being correct in ur upbringing makes it a tough job. When

you are giving her joy, you need to be sure u r not spoiling her. For example, when I first gave her choclate after 1 yrs,

I knew she would love it, but then I had to make sure I am not over doing the joy!! When I bring her toys, I need to

restrict Ashish of buying her everything she wants as she will not learn the value of gifts/toys if its over flooded to

her. When I am listening to her good and bad stories, I have to make sure I dont promote lie and I am strict in not

allowing unexpected behaviour from her. There is no good book for parenting, you have to write your own rules and follow them. Hence I would say, there are no good and bad parents, everybody is learning.

Next day I was very nervous. Kept my fingers crossed and prayed that she doesnt cry. And God heard me, she did not cry that day. And that was the day when she got her first star. When I heard about the star, I couldnt wait to see it. It was my baby's first star, and I was the proud mother that time. I knew it wasnt anything to do with any achievement, but still getting a star feels like a rock star :).. When I went home, she had not washed her hands to show the star to me. She has got one star in each hand. It was not a very hygenic thing at her teachers part, but then the happiness of Khushi made me forget the hygene and kiss her hands as if she has received a Noble prize from the President of India.

Now, the khatta meetha stories of her school have become our routine. She is still crying while leaving for school, but as

soon as she enters the gate of school she is busy and happy while coming out. So we have compromised on it. The new words she is learning, the improvement in her drawing skills are noticeable. She plans her new drawing in advance and discuss with me that she is going to get a butterfly/flower/moon on her hand tomorrow. She remembers some of the names from her school all the time, but she isint the age in which they have permanant friends. She gets an organizer from school in which they request whatever the school needs or about the holidays and PTA's. For her that is her book and the photo on that book makes it special for her.

Ashish attended her first fathers day in her school on Tuesday. Khushi gave him a Invitation card for the same which was handmade (ofcourse with the help of teacher) which made it very special. They had a fantastic afternoon together in the school. They played games and made a joker cap together. As usual, men are not great in expressing, so I couldnt get the petty details yet from Ashish, but overall it sounded like they had spent some quality time together. I was a bit J of the fact that it was Father's day first and not Mother's day. But have to live with it at times.

Khushi's journey of education has begun. Now there is no looking back,,, once it starts,,it is there forever with you. You

feel great about it but at times, you miss your small cuddly baby who would convey everything through you. Khushi's

vocablary reminds me of the first year where she used to hardly speak and we used to teach her small small monosylables like YEs and NO. And today, she has a brain of her own, with alot of immagination and expressions in it. Alot of things to learn from her... the Journey begins!!